our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize