you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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