see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
no, he came in my armpit
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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