my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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