i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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