Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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