just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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