Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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