How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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