I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you had me at cake vodka
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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