Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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