I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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