Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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