dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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