Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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