If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize