Just fell off a train. Bad.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it because I queefed?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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