Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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