Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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