Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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