Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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