i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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