If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize