Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize