even my farts smell like vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize