he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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