I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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