How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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