...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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