I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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