Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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