remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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