Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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