Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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