my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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