I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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