I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize