No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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