i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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