I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize