I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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