I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
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You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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