woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize