We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize