So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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