I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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