he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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