Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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