I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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