i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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